Jack and Jill

Come Jill.. to the world of sin...
Yes jack to the world unseen…

Together we climb the mountain top

And let’s fill up what’s lacked

Come Jill let’s make new mistakes

Yes jack… whatever it takes…

You’re not my rose.. But when you jump, ill jump remember?

Its crystal clear jack… we will do this together...

Where to now my heart?

I don’t care as long as we are not apart...

Let’s leave this place... I don’t know where to…

Its ok, I don’t care... as long as I’m with you…

Hey Jill we’re like bonnie and Clyde

So are you telling me you’re tired?

No my heart, I will stand still… with you I am strong

I hope I won’t be weak if something goes wrong

I’m stumbling… I’m stumbling my love… its getting tougher…

I’m tired Jack… I’m tired… things are getting rougher…

Please hold on.. Come run after me.. It’s not always easy…

I don’t know jack… I don’t want to be sleazy…

Come run after me… come jill… just a little bit more…

I have no answer jack… im getting sore…

I understand… just take a rest.. I will wait for you…

*silence*

I’ll wait my love… I’ll wait.. or let me come to you…

___

09.18.2015

THE SURPRISE

So the girlfriend didnt texted me... or should i say,,, been cold for a few days (bago mag 22)...

Givin' me a hints like "mag-uusap tayo pagpunta mo dito"... 

I even asked, is this good or bad? ( alam niyo na... when a girl said LETS TALK, kabahan ka na.).

She told me, "depende sa magiging dating sayo".

Friday night (21), i took the bus going to  fairview with a boquet of flowers... 

We we're texting along the way.. no i love yous and sweet nothings.

and said , "mag-usap na lang tayo pag lasing na sila" (her housemates).

i told her, text na lang niya ko pag lasing na sila, cos ill just be chillin at SM.

She then told me, punta na ko cos she misses me (eh di kinilig naman ako).. and the truth is, i miss her too.

When we i got there, they were all sleeping and didnt have the courage to give the flowers just yet (iniwan ko sa porch or something).

then they woke up, no kiss,... no hug.. no smile...

i played it cool... nag-antay ng oras kung kelan niya ko kakausapin...

then nag-inom... (and i got tipsy easily)..

while we were drinking, patugtog ba naman siya ng songs like "i love you goodbye", "before i let you go" and the likes..

ubos ang isang set, they were waiting for someone na magpapainom. eh since its kinda awkward not doing anything, sabi ko sakin na isang set. Kami ng bestfriend niya nag bumili.

And the bestfriend is telling me things like, "wala pa ding magbabago ha?" ... "friends pa din tayo ha".. and told her, oo naman... but my mind wasnt there really... gusto ko na lang masolo at makausap si girlfriend.

tuloy  ang inuman... then dumating na si lui (yung inaantay nila)...

then the girlfriend went upstairs...

after a while, tinawag ako, in her .. i dunno if pagalit voice.... 

at the stairs going to 2nd floor, i saw lights going to 3rd floor/rooftop... (paliko so you gonna wonder where the lights are coming from)

she then smiled... and the gesture of her hand told me to continue,..

i was speechless...

and surprised...

each steps of the stairs, was candlelit in both ends...

puno ng scattered petal of white flowers...

and lil notes ng spelled I LOVE YOU, which i have to pick up as i step up...

and those notes, got quotes by the way, few of her favorites maybe. :)

pagtapak ko ng 3rd floor, napamura na lang ako sa isip ko (DAMN!).. haha

nakaset up anng table with wine on the top of it, and wine glass..  scattered flowers everywhere, dim lighted venue, pink curtains and ceiling, floating candles.and love songs as our background...

and oo nga pala, sa table, may personalized card for me, which made by her of course... and a letter... :)

sa sarili ko, chick ba ko ngayon? hahaha

i stared at her with the sweetest smile on my face.... 

wala lang, i smelled the surprise, but i wasnt sure kung ano... 

 when her song for me played, i just dunno what to react.. haha.

Kaya bago pa ko maging chick ng tuluyan, tumayo ako, went to her, kissed her, i said thank you and i love you... and hugged her... :)

that night was so kilig *pa'chick voice*

so there...

im keeping the video and the pictures..

ill upload it soon... mga next year. haha

____

Thank you girlfriend

I love love you.... :*

____

love, waidee

talo ang mga numero

Dear cc:
nalulungkot ako kasi aalis ka na..
Punong puno ang utak ko ng mga numbers.
5 - 5years ang age gap natin...
But i don't care. Age is just a number. At outnumbered ang age gap natin, age mo, at age ko sa bilang ng pagmamahal ko sayo.
Mahal kita in a million ways, million times, imultiply mo pa yun ng paulit-ulit.
4 - 4years kitang inantay. I was 15. 19 na ko ngayon. Sasabihin mo pa rin bang puppy love? Eh sa talagang mas attracted ako sayo kesa sa mga girls na ka-age ko. Di mo ba nahalata kaseryosohan ko?
3 -3months na lang, aalis ka na. :-( kung kelan napalapit ako ulit sayo, kung kelan nararamdaman kong nagkakatime ka na sakin, saka ka naman lalayo. Malungkot na masaya. :-(
2 - 2 days na lang, makikita na ulit kita...
Hindi ko nga alam kung tayo na ba. Pero di mas mahalaga sakin, magmahalan tayo diba?
1 - una? Isa? Oo cc... Nag-iisa ka lang sa puso ko.. Matatapos ang teenage years ko na ikaw lang minahal ko ng ganito.. Mas nagniningning ka pa saking paningin sa kahit anong bato sa diamond dash.
Sana friday na.. Gusto na kitang makita at mabigay to sayo..
Mahal ko... :-)
.
Love,
dd

__

dear dd,
you thought about numbers and yes, i thought about it too...
Naflatter ako 4years ago nung sinabi mo na mahal mo ako.
Yes you are cute and charming, but i thought di ka seryoso.
So i shrugged my shoulders and binalewala ko mga sinabi mo.
You were just 15, and baka gusto mo lang ako kasi nachachalenge ka. Though matured ka mag-isip at nakikita ko mabait ka. You are sweet.. But i'm afraid part lang to ng teenage years mo..
You were 15 and i was 19. Ika nga papunta ka pa lang pabalik na ko. Sabi ko, playful years mo pa lang to.
So naging communication lang natin eh text at fb. Madalas nga binobola mo ako, which made me smile most of the time.
Four years later, nagulat ako. Mga salita mo naging seryoso. Mahal mo pa din pala ako.
Maybe it's time not to think how young you are. Or the difference of my age to yours.
Tama.. Talo ang mga numbers na to sa mga times na pinabilis mo ang tibok ng puso ko pag kasama kita.
Sa bilang ng mga beses na napasaya at napangiti mo ako sa mga banat mo.
Kung ang candy crush pwedeng magkaroon ng 1000 lives dahil sa cheat, ako 1 buhay lang kuntento na ko. As long as you're in it. I don't need any cheat.
I love you dd... Mas importante yun kesa sa anumang number. :-)
and don't worry, mapalayo man ako sa'yo, ikaw naman ang pinakamalapit sa puso ko.
Mahal ko. :-)
.
Love,
cc

three thoughts

i-nathalie

Mahal ko sya. Di ko naman sinasadya eh. Naging close lang
kame simula nung nag break sila
ng girlfriend niya. Para na kaming
magkapatid, at nadama ko din
ang pagiging special ko sa kanya.
nadala ba ako sa pagiging sweet
niya? Namisinterpret ko ba ang pag I ilove you niya? Masyado ba
akong umasa na suklian niya ang
nararamdaman ko sa kanya?
Araw-araw na lang na siya ang iniisip ko, hanggang sa
maramdaman ko sa sarili ko na
masiyado ko syang mahal minsan
nararamdaman ko mahal niya ko,
madalas hndi.
Baka mahal lang niya ako bilang
kaibigan.
Ngayon, nararamdaman ko,
parang may mahal siya. Umasa
akong ako yun Pero hindi eh Iba.
Nagtanong ako, umkiwas siya.
Nasaktan ako, Alam mo yung
dating kami? Wala na. Alam mo
yung umasa na sa sobrang close
nyu, magiging kayo? ako un.
Di ko alam ang gagawin ko,siya
lang ang kaligayahan ko.Pero may
mahal siya, Dama ko. lalayo na ba
ko?
II- MICHELLE
Pinakilala siya sa akin ng matalik
kong kaibigan. Dumating siya sa
buhay ko kung kelan sobrang
down na down ako. Sa panahong
iniwan ako ng taong pinaglaanan
ko ng limang taon ng aking
buhay. dumating siya sa
panahong wala na kong pag-asa.
Pinapasaya niya ko, pinapangiti at
hindi kalianman iniwan. Dumating
yung panahong namimiss ko na
siya at laging inaabangan ang
bawat tawag at bawat text niya.
Pag mamahal na ba to ?kung oo,
mahirap. Mahal na mahal siya ni
Nathalie. Pero mahal ko din siya.
Alin ba ang tama? Ang mawala
siya at masaktan ako ? o maging
akin siya at masaktan ang
kaibigan ko? Gusto niyang lumayo
na lang, ayoko … pero, mananatili
nalang ba kaming ganto ?
patago ? at pag mag kasama
kamking tatlo,nag kukunwaring
hindi apektado ? ang hirap.
Pareho ko silang mahal,pareho ko
silang ayaw mawala.
Pag nalaman to ni nathalie , alam
kong sobra-sobrang sakit ang
mararamdaman niya. Ang
masakit, ako pa ang may gawa.
Tama na ba to ? o ipapagpatuloy
ko pa ? mananatili nalang ba
kaming nag tatago ? hahayaan ko
na lang siya para sa kaibigan ko ?
III- SI SETH
Si Nathalie, siya ang taong
andiyan sa akin palagi. Siya ang
tumayong bestfriend ko at di niya
ko pinabayaan . ok kami
hanggang sa minahal niya ko ng
higit sa kaibigan . di ko yun napag
handaan. Pinakisamahan ko siya,
minahal ko pa rin siya, hindi sa
paraang gusto o inaasahan niya.
Si michelle, ang taong
kinahulugan ko ng loob. Alam ko
sa sarili ko, siya ang mahal ko.
Bagamat sinabi niyang mahal din
niya ako, may dalawang bagay
akonh kinakatakutan. Una matalik
silang mag kaibigan ni Nathalie,
dobleng sakit yun para kay
Nathalie. Pangalawa, pag bumalik
ang ex ni michelle, natatakot
akong yun pa rin ang pipiliin niya.
Sobrang mahal niya yun eh. Iniisip
ko nga, baka rebound lang ako.
Ang sabi ko na lang, wala pa
naman kaming relasyon ang
mahalaga mahal ko siya, mahal
niya ko. Kaya lang, alam kong
hindi ko matatapatan o
mahihigitan ang ex niya at
masakit magmahalan ng patago.
Di ko siyang magawang yakapin o
hawakan pag may ibang tao.
Iniiwasan ang magkatinginan,
baka mabuko. Masakit ehh ..
naisip ko tuloy, lalayo na lang ba
ako ?.

a love story when you wake up

Mag-aalas dos na pala. Kanina pa kami magkausap ni maui. Ang makulit pero cute kong friend. Nakilala ko lang siya sa isang site. Mga 2years na din kaming magkakilala. Nakwento ko na ata lahat sa kanya.
Kanina tinext niya ko, curious daw siya eh.

"dee, musta na kayo? Bat divorced ka na?" bungad na tanong niya sakin.
"wala ng kami mau, ako na lang. Divorced na nga di'ba?" pilosopo kong sagot.

"ewan dee! Anlabo mo! Haha. Oi may maaalala." pang-aasar niya sakin
"shut up mau, ibablock kita!" ganting biro ko naman.

Sabi niya sakin nagkainteres lang naman siyang kaibiganin ako dahil sa mga ginagawa ko. Wow, utang na loob ko pa? :-D

"oh, bat dika pa tulog dee?" pangungulit niya sakin
"wag kang magulo, iniisip ko siya kaya di ako makatulo" sagot ko naman.
"woshoo! Iniisip mo siya kaya di ka makatulog o di ka makatulog kaya iniisip mo na lang siya?" pang-aasar pa din sakin
napaisip ako may point siya. Which is which?

"mau, iniisip kaya niya ko?" iwas tanong ko.
"duh! Mauntog ka naman! She regrets everything, mga ginawa mo, kayang kayang mawala ng ganun ganun lang and you'll ask me that stupid question?!" she answered furiously.
"oh cool ka lang mau, masiyado kang high blood" sabi ko na lang.

Maybe mau was right.
Kasi ako madaming nawala pero wala akong pinagsisihan. So maybe, she's right when she said that everything i did with my ex is not important to my ex.
Ang laki ko palang tanga.

"im so glad you're there with your cynic point of views ms. Cristobal." pang-aasar ko din sa kanya.
Then she answered "no i am not a cynic person inocelda, yun ang reality., so kelan next gawa mo?"
"next week na lang or tomorrow mau, it's midnight, ayaw mo pang matulog?" i said, trying to get rid of her.

"wag puro broken ha, kasawa na dee! Yung nakakainlove naman. Para inlove ka ulit."
"wala akong inspirasyon mau. you know that i can't write without a subject."
"can't you do a random love story?"
i sigh and said, " i can't. You know how i write."
"eh di matatagalan pa yan, let's sleep na" , she finaly asked me to go to sleep.
"i need a love story mau, you know that"
then answered, " no dee.. You need love... You do the story.."

i did not reply...

She then text again...

[dami diyan dee... Turtle ka lang!]

and i said:
can you be that girl mau?

She asked, "what girl dee? "

i replied, " that girl i'd love to talk to, and talk about.. That girl behind my every story... The reason of my every love story... Gawa tayo ng love story? "

she did not replied..
Shit.. Nalintikan na..
Ano na kaya iniisip niya...

I texted again...
I said hey,. No reply...
I then said goodnight..

Tinabi ko na phone ko. Napaisip ako..
Ang gago ko.. Tsk..
Why do i have to pull stunt like that?
Makatulog na nga...

Then nagring mobile phone ko..
Si maui...

Nag-isip ako. Sagutin ko ba?
I decided to answer.

With her sweet sleepy voice she said:
koko... I'll look forward to that love story. The sooner we start, the better..
I think gusto naman ng mga bida yung isa't-isa... :-)
bukas paggising ko, start na ng love story ha? Goodnight dee, i love you.."

And with excitement, i said, " affirmative. :-) "

____________

eto mababsa niya pagkagising niya. :)

To The Man Who Will Love My Wife

To The Man Who Will Love My Wife:


First, I'm sorry if I still call her my wife. Cos she will always be my wifey to me. I will always love her, and she will always have that title in my life.
Second, please... take care of her... love her like she's the first person you ever loved and the last person you'll  ever love.
I screwed up and hurt her. So please, take note of the things she loves and hates.
__
1. Surprise her. She'll love that. Not only she'll love it, but also, it will make you even happier for you to see her happy.
2. Give her flowers.. even if there's no occasion.
3. If you'll ever go to that famous bakeshop that you'll see in every mall, buy her favorite bread there.
4. She loves to kiss. Make it passionate. Make it true.
5. She loves to cuddle.
6. Every month, if she got an PMS, please bear with her.
7. She's a pet lover. so don't be cruel to animals.
8. Hold her hands... Make her feel you're always there.
9. Give her little notes.
10. She's more beautiful when she smiles. Please don't let her lose that.
11. She loves to sing. Compliment her.
12. She doesn't want to be ignored. Give her your full attention.
13. Don't do stupid things that will make her paranoid or mad.
14. Take pictures together...
15. Be positive. Always. Well at least, try to be..
16. Take her to the movies. Even if its a chick flick, watch with her.
17. She loves to go out. Have a couple of drinks once in a while.
18. She's so cute when she's laughing.. I love it when she giggles.. Humor her.
19. Hug her from behind and watch the vast sky with her.
20. She loves food and she's a good cook. cook for her too.
21. She often stays up late.. talk to her..
22. She loves watching, bring her DVDs of her favorite TV programs and movies.
23. Kiss her on the forehead.. her nose... her hands.. her lips..
24. always deliver what you promise.
25. Tell her I LOVE YOU.. always...
___
I could go on forever and tell you things about her...
It really hurts.. telling you about this. Cos I should be the one doing it to her. But she already gave me up.
I will always want her back. But I won't be selfish anymore cos I know she's fed up.
Please don't screw up like I did. Hold on to her. Forever.. To infinity and beyond.. Cos that's how much I love her.
It will hurt so much to see her happy with you, and to see her do things with you like how we used to.
But it will hurt me more to see her unhappy with me. Her happiness is my happiness.
Love her like I do... and more..

----HER HUSBEAU

|vhonskall|
feb. 23, 2013

i just want you to...

all i want is to love you...

loving me back is a bonus...

i want you to LAUGH...

be worry-free

i want you to smile

and be happy

i want you to be ok,

always...

i want you to forgive me for the things i dont mean to say or do

i want you to understand everything about me

i want you to believe and trust me

because doubts wont help us

i want you to miss me,

so i know i am important and needed...

i want you to love me...

just make sure you feel it too....

Sana Player Na Lang Ako

Siguro, pag sinabi ko sa iba na gusto ko si ganito, si ganian, sasabihin player ako.
Sabi ko nga sa kaibigan ko dati na si joe, "beh, di naman ako papatol sa girl kung di ko nararamdaman na may feelings ako eh. Mas masarap kaya na yung girlfriend mo, mahal mo, para na.eenjoy mo.".

Sabi ni zee, ako na lang daw matino. Pero, di ako magpapakabait, kasi nahulog ako sa iba. Di ko napigilan, di ko nakontrol. Basta alam ko, masaya ako.
Siguro nga matino in some way. Kasi may matinding rason naman kung bakit ko to nagawa. Pero, icacategorize pa rin nila ako as a player, im sure.
Di kasi nila alam history ko, kaya maiintindihan ko naman kung bakit. Basta alam ko, may rason sa lahat. Di pwedeng wala.

Pero sana nga, player na lang ako. So i'll know how to handle situations. Sana pla player na lang ako, no emotions, hindi nasasaktan.
Sana player na lang ako na may strong character.
Ewan ko kung bakit ko nasasabi mga toh.. Pero panu ako magiging player, bukod sa pulubi, pangit pa.


Pero kung player man ako, sasabihin ko sa tao na di ako seryoso. Ayoko din aman silang umasa.


Tanong sakin ni mommy elsie dati:
"bakit ang sweet mo?"

Sabi ko: kasi mommy. Bawat taong dumadating sa buhay ko, pinapahalagahan ko. Pero siyempre sa taong mamahalin ko, mas sweet pa ko.
Malay m, yung stranger ngayon, yun pala magpapasaya sau ng habang panahon.

Bigla niyang sabi:
Kahit alang pakialam sayo?

Napaisip ako, at di nkapagsalita. Nginitian ko na lang siya.

Naisip ko mga taong nakasama ko mula elementary hanggang ngaun. Mga taong nakalimutan na ko, pero iniisip ko pa din.
Yung mga part pa din ng buhay ko, pero ako, part na lang ng history/memory nila.

Sana ganun na lang ako. Sana madali akong bumitaw ng mga bagay-bagay.
Sana di na lang ako masiyadong nagpapahalaga.
Sana player na lang ako.

Andami kong sana. :'(

Pero sana, kung sino man mga taong pinapahalagahan ko, pahalagahan din ako.

Sana...

JAMPing HART

--
I can't explain or describe the happiness that I'm feelin right now... I am happy and that is all I know..
I never imagined that I will come this far.
You make my heart jump, miss, yearn, crave for you..
you know that warm fuzzy feelin that I feel? its because I love you.. haha. :D
geez.. I just don't know what else to say here.
I thought I could write many things here right now.
But all I can think at the moment,
IS YOU.. everything about you.
Its amazing how you make me feel and act this way..
So, I guess I'll just edit this post when I have the right words to say, or should I say, If I could put words to whatever I'm feelin.
ALL i know is
Im So EFFIN happy, I could hug the black guy next to me. hahaha.
so before I could do such thing, I'm outta here..

I'll just edit this.. or not... :D

ditto!

PS:
that blowed moi mind!
deim!

Bestfriends.. My girlfriends..

----somewhere in my high school days,,, my boy classmate used my phone and when he gave it back, i found a new number in my dialed calls... Those days, "drop call" is the trend because its free (you have to drop the call before the duration reached six or seven seconds, then try to call again,.. thats the cycle)

So I tried calling the number, then there, I met Ma. Theresa then later gave her a nickname aiza (1st picture, she was not chubby back then). She introduced me to her bestfriends and one of them is hidee (2nd picture)..

I learned they were from cabugao Institute, Cabugao Ilocos Sur (next town from us).

and learned that my boy classmate is courting aiza.

We 3 became friends.

After weeks, days maybe..

I duno,, but somehow I gave hints to aiza that I'd like her to be my girl...

but.. so with hydz...

after few days, i made verbal confirmation to aiza that i want her to be my girl. But that night of that same day,, hydz also became my girlfriend..

the next morning or after 2days (i barely remember), they found out. Soooo doomed.

I like them both, But I chosed aiza.

We graduated high school, she went to college...

I found out she got a relationship with her boy classmate.

Tried to forgive her, when she asked for one. But that changes everything. She broke my trust and that made me doubt her all the time. So there,, I gave up. Because the lack of trust is killing me. It slowly ate the love I gave her.

So, after we broke up, "what ifs" and "maybes" came to mind and thought of hidee.

What if I chose hidee over aiza?

anyway, i don't regret any of it. Because i'm happy with my life right now.

I did not add them in facebook. But I got their photos in facebook (stalker?). nah. hahaha.

I don't want to bother them anymore.

All i know, aiza is living in hawaii.. she got herself a man whom she calls babe.

Hidee is living in UAE.

Its been seven or eight years I think. hehehe

anyway, just reminiscing.

I'm out

girl, i'll be waitin

girl,

I did not addressed you as "dear my future girlfriend"

coz I dont know which era you belong.

Past do come back
Present can be too blur
and we dont know much about the future

I can have all the time in the world to wait for you.
But it wont hurt if i tell you "could you hurry up a bit?"

I am not Broken...
so you dont have to waste your time fixing anything.

I dont feel empty at all (at least at this moment)

But in times like this..
whenever I wander...
I always wonder about you.

Do you speak slow and low?
or you love to talk?

Do you love watching?
or just chilling in an empty room or by the porch?

do you love cats or dogs?

and the questions ive always wonderin are:

will you love me unconditionaly
will you understand me that whenever I move away, I just want to know how far you're willing to go
are you goin to be silent whenever I throw tantrums but then talk about it after Im/we're goin to be ok?

right now I have so many questions in my mind..

and it will be left unanswered..
unless you answer it soon.


I'll be waitin
Im never too far

pre-holiday feeling

malapit na ang xmas.
Mixed feelings again, mostly ganun naman talaga.
Kc sa buhay, like orgasm, ung happines, peak and short lang.
Orgasm talaga ang napili. :D
but its true, thats the most wonderful, most important feeling, na parang wala kang nararamdamang iba,pero for a while lang un.

How do i feel right now?
Im not broken,
i dont feel empty.
But i guess, incomplete.

November 8 was d last time i kissed another gurl. But that was not my last kiss.

There are girls that i cant put here on my blog for they are part of my lifes secret or the situation is complicated.

If only i cud roll gurl 1,2,3 into 1,i wud. Forget tha side dishes.

My life has full of secrets.
Secrets.. Not lies.

But that doesnt mean i dont lie. Matter of fact i do. But am not good with lying.

Superhotvixen
D'gurl
and
BabYBoo

Just another post

,, im having a good time everyday. hope dear God wont take it away.
but the secret is contentment.. and gettin rid of D,anger..
Im back baby.... better me..

Si belmar

Si belmar a.K.A. xian a.k.a. Maribel.
Nung una ko siyang makausap sa kapanahunan pa ng DQS,,1st na napansin ko sa kanya ay ang paGiGing vulgar niya with some of her words. The other thing is her being witty. We've seldom texting with each other for about 2 months. By the time na sumali ako ng FMS, dun ko siya mas nakilala ng lubos.
She is a good friend., n0, a great friend.
Minsan nagtatampo siya sakin sa pagiging maliHim at taHimik ko.
Pero ganun talaga ako. Di ako masiyado nakakapagshare. Nasanay akong sinasarili ko mga nasa loob ko, at nasanay ang mga nakapaligid sakin na masaya ako. And they thouGht, im tougH and strong. i'll always be thankful for having belmar as my friend. I just hope, whatever dEcisioN i'll make in the fuTure, maintindiHan niya. BesidEs,, i told her, na, with or withouT clan, kaibiGan niya ako.
She makes me happy *teary eyes*.. and i wish, we'll stay tHis way for a long time. You cAnt find true friend anyWHere....
So i must be truly lucky to have her.

G0odniGht world

Bitter for now.. But I'll be better

ampalaya... mapait....

oo nga...

pero akew,, mapait na, masakit pa....

i need my superwoman para ako'y i-rescue.. hehe

oh well,, figured, di ko kailangan yun.. I will be happy alone.
I just need someone to share it with and my life would be happier..

di man ako ganun kasaya ngayon dahil sa napalakol kong puso...
at least ngayon unti unti ko ng tinatanggal yun.. Ang masakit, ay ang katotohanan na siya ang may gawa nito...

May namimis akong mga tao..

musta na kaya sila...

I dont have to spend all my time being bitter... but for n0w, I'l pour it all.. so tomorrow, I wont be bitter anymore...

:)

boring day.. hope tomorrow will be better.. and my baby boy will feel better too..

goodnight world......

di pa naman ako matutulog....

wala lang magawa... yoko pa namang matulog kahit antok na kew

Just another talking

SoMeoNe askeD me today, why am i afraid to have a relatioNsHip?
And it madE me tHink dEep..
in the past five m0nths, i've had two text "relationsHipS".
1 was with crystal, and it lasteD for a weEk, if u col that relati0nshp. I mean, we rarely txteD each other and dats the oNLy coMmunicAtioN we are relying To.
i knw we doNt have a tHing,,we dnt have any em0tioNAL atTaChment, buT dErz d word "us".
next oNe is mae and its a bit loNger than the other oNe..
lesS than a m0nth i tHink.
m0st of the time, i mesS up.
loOking bAck,,
I Got mhel, we've beEn together for alm0st 2yearz, then i screweD up.
i met rowena,i screweD up.
i met dahlie,
I ScreweD up then met her oficemate cecille..
i screweD a lot riGht.
buT...
g0t hurt m0st of the time..
aBOve menti0neD WEr ol oldr than me except d 1st two (text relatioNsHips).. That was 5 yearz ago i thnk..
hoNestly, i dnt hv sense of resPoNsibility.. And m0st of the time, the thougHT of "forever" scAres me..
i've met forever,and forever coMe and go...
for a loNg time,,ive tasteD freEd0m.. And i got useD to it.
the last time i had a muTual undErStanding with soMeoNe was when i was in college.
We held hands, we are sweEt, to0k cAre of ich other, we kisSeD, we tell eaCh other tHings, and do tHingz... BuT we never beEn ofFicial. I never p0pPEd the word..
nO pResSure, we got jelus buT we fELt we hav n0 RiGht, we argueD buT n0t to0 Much, we tell eaCh other what to do or what n0t to do buT 8s up to us really if we c0mply, we we're hapPy buT there was nO "us"...
i was inlove, and i was freE,..
I couldnt pRopose, buT i kn0w im n0t playing, and i kn0w the fEeling was real..
And i thougHt it could go oN buT we knew, we can't..
"i saw the end, beFore it begun" -that was fr0m james blunt by the way..
n0w i remember why i never p0pPeD the questioN.
the freEd0m was awesoMe.. BuT doNt take it in a wr0ng way..
remember when i said im irResPoNsible? Its becAuse being in a bf-gf stage, its an0ther, and biGger level. Thats where the expEctati0ns begin.
expectatioNs that i doNt kn0w if i cAn do.
and i thougHt,,
"i love tHis girl and i want her to be haPpy. And in the l0ng run, i dun0 if i cAn Give her that"...
We stayeD there, we were stUck in a coMmitment freE relatioNSHip.
so that, if she finds the oNe that is ryt for her, she woNt be so hesitant to tell or leave me.. BecAuse theres 0nly "i" and "her", thats apart... And there's n0 "us" that u cud break...
i feEL dope. Otherz may tHink im playing, buT n0, I aint...
After college, she found This boy. And i said, i madE the riGht tHing. Well the relati0nshp didnt go to well, buT i heard she's with soMeoNe n0w. And she's n0w str0nger than ever.
1 tHing i regret, i BROke my rule. N0t to get r0mance atTaChment with a close friend..
forever in other hand, is still waiting there soMewhere.. At the latTer part of my lifE's journey..
forever is a stroNg word,and it scAres me.
there are tHings i cAn't explain riGht n0w, buT i kn0w soMeDay, i will.
People are still trying to read my mind, to undErStand me. BuT gez what? i am t0o, trying to undErStand myself..
riGht n0w, my me-self is n0t as sweEt as the younger verSioN of me...
Thats becAuse i've beEn hurt to0 Many times. People always leave,.So i'm woNdErin, hus g0nNa stay...
so, i cAnt ofFer or pRoMise anytHing riGht n0w.

time to do chores.
i'll post next time.
forever, we'll meEt soMeDay...

NOTE: I blogged this using my phone, so I'm sorry or the camel type of posting.

Tipsy mind,sober heart...Sober mind,tipsy heart..

After n0vember 2009,
Ngaun lang ulit ako uminom..
the usual,,, mskt sa ulo, g0t red eyes then asthma...
il edit ds t0m0r0w.SleEpy n q..

--- aun, c0ntinuati0n. im suffering frm a headache...

i was aloNe drinking last niGht wHile talkin to my friends oN d ph0ne.
and i even g0t a chance to talk to my lady love..
i've beEn sad, beEn hapPy..
ryt n0w,im in d eDge of dcsi0n making..
my heart and my mind is having a sPlit dEcisi0n. BuT they should c0me up to a meEting p0int to st0p hurting eaCh other..
1 of dem should st0p being a stUb0rn or at least underStand eaCh other.
D heart says: keEp oN l0ving.. ThougH she cAnt take cAre of me,, l0ving her makes me freE

D loGicAL sidE said: step back.. Even in d basketb0l game, dErz a maximum player. RiGht n0w, u are n0t d mvp. So, sit ur asS oN the bench and just watch d true player do what u H0pe ur d0in..
buT oN d briGHT sidE, i must tell, i undErStand that heart here will always have a tHing to ur lady.And i gez dats toleraBLe.. BuT for nOw, step down..step bAck. coz i kn0w, u cnt step away.

--so there, i gez my two sidEs met halfway.. AlthougH my heart cn be t0o damN stUBborn s0metimes...

Both are tipSy last niGht.
my mind was tipSy with the alcohol sPirit..
and my mind overdrunk with hapPines coz of my ladylove

both are sober n0w.
well,except for the silly heart dat stil g0in crazY for my lady..

so much for n0w. Ths heaDAche is killin' me

IGNITER CEZAR INOCELDA

I love this kiddo... so smart, witty and lovable.. he's a brat though,, hehe spoiled kasi..
one and only boy, plus bunso.. I duno if sino mas matalino sila ni claire (my sister)..

yung sis ko nagsimulang makipagcompete when she was in fifth grade ata or sixth grade..

nakinational competition siya sa metrobank quizbee..
mathematician eh

while my baby bro started before he started first grade...dancing, science, math, etc.

im just the nobody amongst the kids..

hehe

im the most emo too..

i love my baby bro so much...
i remember the day i first saw hi..
we we're in the hospital, nervously waiting.
kami ng sis ko,normal delivery while babybro here experienced CS.
ng nakita ko siya sa window ng nursery, grabe, tears of joy.. he was so cute,, and fragile.. he was crying and i was excited to lift him up with my arms..
as a baby,, i dont sing him lullaby... i used to baby sit him and he always laugh and smile everytime i sing angel by shaggy.
when he was 2y/o to four,, i baby sit him with fhm..
pag iiyak na siya,, bigyan ko lang siya ng fhm or uno. tigil na siya..
a baby boy happily browsing mens magazine.. haha

i gave him a gadget mag one day,, he got tired watching the pics and stil choosed the mens mag
hehe

naughty baby boy


love you niter, ate mafe will be here for you anytime and that is always...

ill take care of you, i promise

Aftermath

i just talked to her...
awkward xempRe..
but at least we talkeD bouT it and,ok naman.
naHiHiya lang ako.

geEz..
Parang HiGh sch0ol,
Parang an0ther cAse of pupPy love..

its nice to hear her voice..

Fr0m 1 to 10
Mga 6-7 ung pakrmdam ko ngayon na awkwardness..

il miss sending gms to ruby..
infaCt,misSing it already..

pero,keEp it low na talaga.,

go0dm0rning world