swag

       The Awkward Moment when someone talks to a baby in a normal voice.

       "Aaacchhooo!" "Bless you" "Aaaaaacchhoooooo!" "Bless you!" "Aaaaaaaaacchhooooooooo!" "Dude, what the hell?!"

       I hate when your parents compare you to your friends and they don't know how much worser they are.

       "Dude, I wasn't that drunk..." ... "You cut all my pineapples and kept yelling, SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOUR IN THERE!"

       Hi spider. Nice spider. Let me pet you. WITH MY SHOE!. Haha spider. Dead spider.

       I say we start making the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate... who's with me?!

       I push the "STOP" button on the microwave before time runs out, in order to avoid that annoying beeping noise.

       Our parents used to be happy when we took naps NOW they think we're lazy...

       Standing in front of a closet full of clothes sayin "I have nothin to wear!"

       I get re-pissed about an old situation whenever I have a flashback about it.

       "Tell me, I promise I wont get angry"... "YOU DID WHAT?!"

       I have headphones on, hint I can't hear you, so therefore stop talking to me!

       Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat exercise when offered something to eat.

       Saying "okay" a million times, just to get your parents to stop talking.

       Trying to tweet the lyrics for the song you're listening to but it goes too fast for your fingers.

       Who came up with the middle finger. I mean the first person to recieve it must of been like "What the fuck are you doing?

       "Did you just call me a bitch?" "No, I emphasized the 'A' in beach"

       I swear... my remote just decides to take random vacations sometimes.

       Just because your pretty physically doesn't mean your not ugly! Your attitude determines everything.

       There's no need to rush. If somethings meant to be, it'll happen. In the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason.

       Dear shirt, I fell in love with, I hate you. Sincerely, just saw the price tag.

       Me: I know a gay dude that sounds like an owl. Friend: who?..... Fuck you.

       I'm pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out ass.

       Dear McDonalds, Thank you for not serving hotdogs, I don't think I could order a super-size McWeiner with a straight face.

       Dear 8 year old, Get off of facebook and go back to club penguin.

       I hate it when you really want to say something but you know you can't.

       A friend of mine said,"Onions are the only Food that makes you cry". That was before I hit him in the face with a Watermelon.

       Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whore for a hug.

       I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

       If I talked to my Parents like some of these kids I'd be dead.

       When i was a little kid I used to say A B C D E F G H I J K ELEMENO P!!

       Dear hand Sanitizer, can't touch this. Sincerely, .01% germ

       I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.

       I hate how chocolate immediately melts on my fingers. I mean.. am I that HOT?

       Facebook is where you lie to your friends. Twitter is where you're honest with complete strangers.

       "Kidnapping" is such a strong word. I prefer to say "Surprise Adoption".

       That awkward moment when you dont know if you should hug someone or not.

       Dear YouTube, Please take off the ads, Those 30 Seconds feel like forever. Sincerely, Everyone.

       1 hour with friends goes by so quickly, 1 hour at school lasts forever.

       There should be a relationship status on facebook called "I don't know what the fuck is going on".

       Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way my drunk texts never leave my phone.

       I wonder why the whole world doesn't follow me on twitter. Im a funny asian bastard.

       I'm a leader not a follower. Unless its into a dark scary place then fuck that, you go first.

       That awkward moment when you laugh randomly because you remembered something super funny.

       If I ever go homeless my sign will say "betcha can't hit me with a quarter".

       "I wasn't that drunk " Dude, you climbed up a tree and said "OH MY GOD! Look how big this piece of broccoli is!"

       Hi,welcome to Abercrombie.. our sizes are: small, x-small,anorexic,bulimic,and malnourished.

       "That's what she said!" Well whoever SHE is, she sounds like a whore.

       What do you call a frog doing jumping off a bridge? Kermitting suicide.

       Boy: I love u. Girl: Aww really? :) Boy: Yep its my favorite vowel.

       That awkward moment when the whole cast of Jersey Shore dies of skin cancer.

       The moment you're laughing so hard and you try to stop, but you look at the person and laugh again.

       I swear my room was clean when I got up... Then I had to get dressed.

       I feel stupid when I say "what?" a thousand times because I can't hear.

       Don't wanna sound like a badass or anything but I don't wait 2 minutes after I warm up a hotpoket.

       There's a fine line between being tan & looking like you just rolled in dorritos.

       That awkward moment when an emo goes to McDonalds and orders a Happy Meal.

       I don't care how comfortable Crocs are, you look like a dumbass.

       When a facebook status has like 100 comments over people arguing... - I'LL GET THE POPCORN!

       Seriously SLUT, anything could turn you on.You're basically a lamp.

       Unless your name is Google, stop acting like you fucking know everything.

       Everything is made in China. Execpt babies. They're made in VaChina ;]

       Friends are like BOOBS. Some are big, some are small, some are REAL, & some are fake.

       Dear officer, No, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive. Sincerely, not as think as you drunk..

       I hate it when you peel off a sticker, and the white stuff is still there.

       My attitude is based on how you treat me.

       Sometimes you get so bored, that you're bored of BEING bored.

       I found a lipstick that helps you lose weight... Its called super glue.

       I hate when I'm staring at nothing in particular, and then realize I'm looking right at somebody.

       Satan called, he wants his weather back.

       Everything seems louder when you're trying not to wake your parents...

       Parents call it "talking back" we call it explaining.

       Hearing thumps while in the shower. You think "the whole family is being killed and you're next".

YOU HAVE TO ADMIT THAT LOVE DOESNT GIVE YOU THE LICENSE TO OWN A PERSON FOREVER.. ONLY A CHANCE TO ENJOY SOMEONE'S COMPANY FOR A MOMENT