awesome lines

My mom told me not to talk to strangers. But then I made a Twitter and it became a hobby

When I’m wearing a brand new outfit, I walk out the house feeling all good

When my mom says “I bought food for you”, I’m like oh shit wait, I’m coming!"

When you’re already awake and your mom keeps yelling at your to get up, & i'm like, OK MOM! IM UP!

When you finally get comfortable in bed and your mom says “Come Here!”

When someone makes you mad, but you can’t hit them

When you’re walking in the hallway at school and you don’t 

have enough time to talk to your friends, you walk by making a face

When a teacher is talking about her kid in class, all I’m thinking is:

OHH GOSH!! YOU HAD SEX?!?!

There is no “U” in awesome.

But there is a ‘me

That moment when you press play on your iPod, and you forget that the volume is all the way up

That moment when your friend offers to buy you food when you have no money and doesn’t want to get paid back

That 5 min party you have when the teacher leaves the class.

Having unlimited texting.. With no one to text.

When that annoying person walks in front of you in a movie.

The moment when you’ve been told to take out your gum but it still has flavor left

When you make an epic joke and everyone starts laughing and you sit there with so much power.

When I hear fake girls say they hate fake girls.

When adults complains about our generation

I’m here like hold the fuck up… 

who raised OUR generation? YOUR generation did, so…

I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

I hate when people don’t warn me before they take a picture of me

Roses are red, facebook is blue, no mutual friends, who the hell are you?

When you’re looking at yourself alone in the mirror and you start to do weird

When you have all these art ideas but you can’t draw

When you wave at someone, and they don’t wave back: well, fuck you too!

That awkward moment when someone tells you how much they hate someone. and then the next day they are best friends?

When that one dumb kid in class keeps asking the most unbelievably stupid questions…

understanding men

When you first look at a man and a woman, you are able to notice the subtle differences between the sexes. It is when the two sexes communicate with each other, however, that the differences become truly glaring. This is because one is speaking "he talk" while the other is speaking "she talk."
Where this difference really becomes a problem is when you are in a relationship, and you need to know how to combine "he talk" and "she talk" into "we talk." So I feel like it's my job as a man and as a dating coach to help women learn how to understand "he talk" (or "man talk" as I like to call it), so that they won't need to hire a translator to understand what men are saying.
Women want men to express their feelings. They complain, "Why can't he just say he loves me?" or, "I wish he would just compliment me more."
What you need to pay attention to and realize, though, is that men do tell you they love you and compliment you... they just do it using their own language. Men, in fact, sometimes don't use words at all when they are communicating with you.
This will help you understand men's verbal and non-verbal language.
Sometimes it's not what men say, but it's their actions that are significant. 
Sometimes it's not what men say, but it's their actions that are significant. It is necessary for women to learn to interpret men's roundabout way of communicating with them.
Here are 10 things that men say and do, and what they really mean:

1. He starts talking about how crazy all his single friends lives are, and then he tells you that he doesn't miss it at all. What most women will think if they hear this, is that he misses those days. This is not true. He says this because he is looking for confirmation that you feel exactly the same way. He also wants to communicate that he's ready to take the relationship to the next level.
2. Since you recently took him to your family's house for dinner, he can't stop talking about how much fun he had with your brother. What he means here is that he really likes your family, and wouldn't mind being a part of your family.
3. He teases you about things like how clumsy you are or about how you put smiley faces in every one of your emails. What he's really telling you when he does this is that he really likes you a lot. Remember that men are just giant boys... we tease the ones we love and ignore the ones we don't.
4. A man tells you he needs his space. So what does this mean to you? It means that you need to ignore him and not call him. Men love the chase. By not calling him, he'll start calling you and wondering what happened.
5. A man says that he really wants you to meet his parents. What does this mean in man talk? He's telling you that you are his girlfriend, and that he is ready to take it to the next level by getting you involved with his family. This brings us right to the next bit of man talk.
6. When a man calls you and says, "I want you to meet my friends on Friday night," this is as big as meeting his parents. He's introducing you to his pack. It means that he thinks you are attractive and sexy, and he wants to show you off to his friends.
7. After sleeping over at his house several times, he tells you that the next time you sleep over you should bring some things to make you feel more comfortable and a change of clothing. In man talk, that is basically telling you that he's wondering what it would be like to live with you. He also wants your things around.
8. You have plans with him on a Sunday, and you find out that he passed up floor seats to his favorite basketball team to keep those plans with you. What does that tell you in man talk? It tells you that he's hooked... and that you are his girlfriend.
9. He is watching one of your favorite shows on a night you're not together, and he calls you afterwards to talk about it. In man talk, what does this mean? By doing this, he's telling you that he pays attention to you, and he's interested in learning more about you and sharing more things with you. Men generally do not choose to watch "Project Runway" on their own. If we're watching your TV shows, we really like you.
10. He tells you, "I've cleaned today." What this means in man talk is, "I spent the day doing something I dislike more than anything." You need to realize that when a man says this to you, he really likes you. To most men, cleaning the house is just about the worst way he can spend a day.

Once you understand the hidden language and actions of man talk, you'll become far more secure in your dating and relationships. 
Once you understand the hidden language and actions of man talk, you'll become far more secure in your dating and relationships. So the next time you go over to your man's house and he looks at you and says, "I cleaned today," you'll know that he really meant to say, "I must really like you, because I can ignore my mess most of the time."
*FROM nirdla_24 of pinoyden

How to write love letters

HOW TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS?

Creativeness. That is the rule when you're writing love letters. You cannot be too staid, too formal, or too ordinary. You have to be different and you have to create a positive, lasting impression on the mind of the receiver of the letter.

So, how do you write a decent love letter? First, ask yourself what you want to achieve by writing a love letter. Do you want to reassure a loved one of your promise to him or her? Do you want to make up with your sweetheart? Or do you just want to say "i love you?" Definitely, you have to be clear with your intention. You cannot just ramble incessantly.

Second, determine what tone you're going to use in your letter. You can be formal, although it takes a lot of finesse to carry that through. You can be poetic, in the tradition of the browning couple, or you can be witty. The latter is sometimes more effective and more attention-grabbing than anything else.

Third, go to your favorite place. It can be your bedroom, the garden, the roof of your house, the library, or anywhere you feel safe, comfortable, and happy. Why? Because when you're in your most favorite place, you guards are all down. You're more attuned to your feelings. Thus, if you're in this condition, you'll never run out of things to say or write.

Fourth, if you're having difficulty deciding how start your letter, get a scratch paper and scribble everything that comes into your mind. Then read all that you have written and pick out the most interesting sentence or phrase you have made. After that, compose your letter using this as your sping board. Eventually, the words will flow more freely.

Fifth, re-read your letter and put yourself in the addressee's place. Think how he or she will feel while reading your letter. Needless to say, this is also a good time to check your grammar. In a social letter, such as a love letter, the conventions in writing are not so strictly followed. After all, you're not applying for a job or anything. But then, you're striving to make a good impression, if you're just in the courting stage. So, it will help if your letter will reflect a positive image of yourself. Moreover, whatever stage you and your loved one are in, in a relationship, anybody will always appreciate receiving a well-written letter.

And finally, to be able to write a decent love letter, be true to yourself. If you're a simple guy, don't pass yourself off as someone who is sophisticated or intellectually gifted. Don't use high sounding words. Don't resort to name dropping as well. And don't you ever use a ghost writer to do your personal letters. It is not only ill-mannered but also an admission that you are not worthy of anybody's trust, respect and love.

So, relax. Just listen to your heart and you will never do wrong.



POINTERS IN WRITING LOVE LETTERS:

Here are some tips you can follow to write effective love letters:

1. As much as possible, use your own handwriting when writing your letter. However, encoded letters sent via e-mail are also permissible.

2. Write legibly and avoid erasures.

3. Use a pen with black or blue ink to write your letters. Avoid using neon-colored pens, especially when your letter is long.

4. Write on a clean and fresh stationery.

5. Be honest, sincere, candid, and considerate of other people's feelings when writing your letter.

6. Use the language you're most comfortable in.

7. Avoid using a ghost-writer.

8. Be interesting and decisive.

(I suggest that you use scented papers. Or spray a soft scented perfume on a paper that you are going to write.)

bitchy phrases

I Know I'm Not Perfect, but I'm So Close it scares me~! ~

I smile because I have no idea what is going on

I dont need Your Attitude, I Have One of My Own

****I'm not weird! I'm gifted****

You're only bad if you're caught... So that makes me a good girl, RIGHT!

~What a shame...looks like the ugly fairy kissed you on both cheeks!

CLICK YOUR HEELS AND SAY "I NEED A LIFE, I NEED A LIFE"

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in her shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Hooked on funks worked far me, Kant cha tell?

DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THAT TONE OF VOICE

Success comes before work... only in the dictionary

~*Never fight with an ugly person~*~they have nothing to loose! *~

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? 

Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight; you can have it when I'm done!

~* Big Girls dont cry they get even*~

NO OFFICER THERE'S ANY BLOOD IN MY ALCOHOL SYSTEM!

In some cultures what I do is considered normal

Even if the voices are not real, they have some good ideas.

Roses are red violets are blue
sugar is sweet and so are you,
but the roses are wilting, the violets are dead
the sugar bowls empty and so is your head

If you don't like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk

Mirrors don't talk and lucky for you they don't laugh!

I don't come with dice-so don't play me.

This is an inside joke and your on the outside!

-That's all right, that's okay, you're going to pump my gas someday! - 

Don't think of it as losing, think of it as getting beat by a girl

Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen

EVIL is just LIVE spelled backwards

Life isn't a garden...so stop being a hoe!

HOW MANY BOWLS OF COURAGE DID U EAT THIS MORNING?

Roses are red violets are blue I'm skitzafranic and so am I!

Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once!

Fact: If you ever hurt me...you get it back 10 times worse.

I never knew my father was an alcoholic until he came home sober one night..."

"Winston, you are drunk." - Lady Astor
"Yes my dear, but you are ugly, and in the morning I shall be sober" - Winston Churchill

"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another. It's the same damn thing over and over."

How many frickin' times do I have to say, 'In the form of a question', people?!?" - Alex Trebek

I no longer wish to belong to the kind of club that accepts people like me as members" - Groucho Marx

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

I like to tell people I have the heart of a small boy. Then I say it's in a jar on my desk." - Stephen King

I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears

Drugs cause amnesia and other things I can't remember

How can there be self-help GROUPS?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date

Hey! Quit hogging all the ugly!

Don't go away mad, just go away!

We're having creative differences. I'm creative, you're different

Don't talk about yourself so much... we'll do that when you leave.

I'd like to see things your way, but I'm not sure if I can stick my head that far up my ass.

What is your worst sin? My vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty. That isn't vanity, dear, that's imagination.

If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?

It's a beautiful world but everyone's insane."

~Is Santa so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live?

It's not that I don't like you! It's just that when I'm not behind the mic I'm a person just like you!

A butch talks dirty to a women and its sexual harassement. A women talks dirty to a butch and its $3.95 a min.

"Drug laws create criminals"

Your friends are worth more than you think--$7.99 at least

"Always forgive your enemies-nothing annoys them so much."

"If you need space, join NASA, baby"

Its not an attitude ,its the way I am

If the ocean was made of vodka and I were a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up.
But since the ocean isnt vodka and Im not a duck, Just hand me the bottle and shut the fuck up. 

MAAGANG SULAT PARA SA AKING MGA INAANAK

Mga Minamahal Kong Inaanak:

Alam ko, masiyadong maaga pa ang sulat kong itong. Ngunit alam kong walang kasiguraduhan ang buhay. Kaya sa pagsapit ng Disyembre, ayokong masiyadong mataas ang pag-asa niyo na makita ako. Ngunit sana, malaman niyo na gustong gusto ko kayong makita. Pero, may mga pangyayari lang na di ko inaasahan. Eto ang mga maaaring dahilan na wala ako sa Disyembre o hindi ko kayo makita.

1)      May Superpowers ako. Nitong taon lang na nalaman ko ito. Pag malamig ang panahon, nagiging invisible ako. Yun ay isang pangyayari na di ko mapigilan. Panu ko mabibigay ang inyong mga aguinaldo kung ang buwan ng Disyembre ay napakalamig. Kaya nga pag nag-mall ako o pumapasok fast foods, bigla na lang akong nawawala o nagiging invisible. Kagaya ni Jessica Alba sa Fantastic Four.

2)      Meron akong problema sa pandinig. Pag nakakarinig ako ng christmas songs, nabibingi ako. Kaya pala nung minsan, may mga bata sa harap ng bahay namin, akala ko pinagkakatuwaan nila ako kasi para silang sumisigaw pero wala akong naririnig. Nung umalis sila, saka lang sinabi ng kapatid ko na nangangaroling sila. Naulit ang mga pangyayaring ito. Nagpatingin ako sa doktor, ngunit wala silang makitang depekto.  Nakapanlulumo.

3)      Pinaaalalahanan ko din kayo na ang pinakamagandang regalo sa pasko ay ang makasama ang pamilya. Kaya imbes na lumabas kayo ng bahay, be with your family and feel the spirit of christmas. Walang pinakamagandang regalo kundi ito.

4)      Sumama ako sa kilusan, kaya ngayon nasa bundok ako. Kahit mahirap ang internet connection dito, ginawa ko ito para sa inyo. Gusto ko kasing sundan ang yapak ni Javier sa Minsan Lang Kitang Iibigin. Hahanapin ko din ang mga tunay kong mga magulang. Yayaman din ako at mabibili ko kayo ng mga mamahaling laruan. At nakikipaglaban ako para sa inyong kinabukasan sa bayan na ito. Ginawa ko ito, dahil kayo ang iniisip kp. Kung makita niyo man ako sa ating bayan, wag niyo kong lalapitan. May mga sumusunod kasi sa aking mga militar, at ayaw ko kayong madamay. Ganun ko kayo kamahal.

5)        Gusto kong matutunan niyo ang pinakaimportanteng kaugalian sa lahat. Ang pagtitiis o pagpapasensiya. Di ba nga, PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE? Gusto kong mahubog ang inyong pagkatao sa kaugaliang ito.

Hanggang dito na lang mga mahal kong inaanak. Tandaan niyo na lagi kayong nasa isip ko. LOVE YOU! MWAH TSUP! INGAT. J

YOUR GODPARENT,

VHONSKALL

funny phrases

When you’re reading a person’s graphic tee and they walk away before you finish reading

I hate it when someone starts to tell you something but they end up saying “never mind”

When my friends say stuff around my parents they aren’t supposed to say

That awkward moment when you’re falling off of your bed and you can’t find anything to grab to stop yourself

That moment when your friend keeps talking and you pretend to be interested.

When a friend makes you laugh in class and you have to try and hold it in

When someone is so attractive it hurts

When someone accidentally lets one of your biggest secrets slip out to someone you didn’t want knowing

Whenever I use ‘Thus’ in an essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.

The awkward moment when you’re eating dinner at someone’s house and you don’t like their cooking

“Why do you and your bestfriend laugh at everything?” Coz that's what we do!

That awkward moment when you walk out of your bedroom in your pajamas and there’s a guest in your house.

Who ever invented the “copy and paste” has saved many hours of my life.

That awkward moment when you think of something odd/dirty in public then really hope there isn’t a telepath in the room

“In the world there are, on average, five people with the look identical to yours.”

There are 5 sexy motherfuckers out there.

Looking at your textbooks thinking

“What a waste of a tree”

when you see your ex with someone who isn’t even half as cute as you.

When someone is getting on your nerves and you’re trying not to say anything…

I hate it when i’m walking around my house in socks &’ I step on something wet

Money does not buy happiness, but it pays my internet, which is almost the same thing.

On “My Super Sweet 16” when the girl gets mad that daddy bought her the wrong car

Bitch I ride a bike…

Spend more time looking at your face on video chat

than the person you’re camming with. 

The sexual noises we all make when we stretch

*UHHHHHHH

You could be selling your soul by agreeing to the “Terms and Conditions” and you would never know it.

That awkward moment when you’re really upset and decide to play the saddest song you know.

After 25 years of sex in the dark, a wife finds out her husband has been using a dildo on her. When she found out she said “Explain the dildo fool,” he said, “Explain the kids bitch.”

The moment of jealousy when you find out your friends have gone out somewhere without inviting you.

Wouldn’t it be nice if your iPod could detect your mood and make a playlist for it?

Certain people need to understand that I don’t like them.

When you’re in class and someone asks you for a pencil so you give them the most retarded one you own.

Walking into your house late at night hoping 

When distant family members visit and your parents want to give them your room to stay in…

That awkward moment when you hand over your phone to show someone a picture…and they keep scrolling through the rest

Give It Back Now, with your nosey ass

Watching someone eat that last piece of cake you had your eye on…

When someone says: “Wow, you look great today!!” 

The fuck did I look like yesterday…?

That awesome moment when you’re included in someone’s profile picture.

When the computer says you’re connected to the internet but pages don’t load. Don't lie to me bitch!

Getting food at night and trying not to wake your family with your clumsiness.

I hate how these people on Sweet 16 act all surprised when their parents say “ERRYBODY OUTSIDE”. Bitch, you know damn well your spoiled ass is getting a fucking car.

That awkward moment when you can’t find your phone because your bed ate it.

I didn’t fall for you, you fucking tripped me.

That awkward moment when your chair makes a fart noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again but you can’t make the sound.

When I buy a bag of air and the company is nice enough to put in some chips

why breathe air for free when you can pay $1.50 and get chips as a bonus

That awkward moment when your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your plate into the sink.

When your phone rings and you turn into a fucking athlete to get it

When your friends bring up something that could get you in trouble in front of your parents

When that fake bitch tries to act like your friend

The reason why I look so bad in my school pictures?

The photographer said I needed to bring my sexy level down because it might hurt the self-esteem of other students.

That awkward moment when you say something really deep:

First Reaction: Wow, how the fuck did I think about it?:

That moment when you’re not sure if the automatic door is going to open for you or not.

And you’re just standing there like:

Well, damn…. Should I touch the motherfucker?

Stalking someone’s facebook and accidentally clicking “like” on something

YOU KNOW WHAT’S WORSE THAN SLOW INTERNET?

NOTHING!!!

Distance Sucks -_-

Do you know how far my fucking fridge is from my room ?! D

DEAR OPTIMIST, PESSIMIST, AND REALIST

While you guys were arguing about the cup of water, I drank itTHAT FRUSTRATING MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN’T REACH THE LAST PRINGLE.

EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE SO FIXATED UPON THE FACT THAT VOLDEMORT HAS NO NOSE. HE HAS NO EYEBROWS EITHER

WHEN I DIE, I WANT SOMEONE TO KEEP UPDATING MY FACEBOOK STATUS TO FREAK PEOPLE OUT

THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU SAID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID AND YOU CANT TAKE IT BACK

That awkward moment when you’re really annoyed at someone but you don’t wanna start a fight so you’ll just shut up.

I HATE WEDDINGS BECAUSE OLD PEOPLE ALWAYS POKE YOU AND SAY “YOU’RE NEXT!”:

So I started doing the same shit to them at funerals

THAT STAGE IN A FRIENDSHIP WHERE YOU CAN START INSULTING THEM.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND,:

When you propose to me, please don’t put the ring in my food because I guarantee I will eat that shit

That awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not because you don’t know how to explain why you were looking that low.

If you’re referring to me in a status, go ahead and tag me in it, bitch.

That awkward moment when someone remembers your name but you have NO clue who they are.

That awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.

When you see pictures of your friends hanging out and you weren’t invited

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.

I was normal until…

bullshit, I was never normal.

When you dislike someone so much that their name angers you

Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.

When my mum calls the home phone and ask if I’m at home.

No mum, I’m at a strip club.

When your crush is in the room and your best friends start to tease you, making it totally obvious.

That awkward moment when your parents bring up the topic of sex and you just sit there all innocent like…

Wait…what’s sex? Who even does that?

My girlfriend just texted me saying “I want you to get me wet when I get home ;)”.

I’ve got 15 water balloons ready… I can’t wait.

The mood where every little thing pisses you off

I notice everything. I just don’t say shit.

That awkward moment when you’re in public, and you don’t want to sit right next to a stranger, so you sit one chair away from them.

In every P.E class there is always that one person who thinks they are in the fucking Olympics.

That awkward moment when you shout the wrong answer in class with confidence.

have you ever pretended that the brushy thing on the side of an escalator is a shoe cleaner?

i love it when you know somebody’s secret, but they don’t know that you know, and you know that they don’t know that you know.

When you are in a relationship and everyone tells you they like you.. Shit.. I was single for so long..

That awkward moment when someone you deleted off Facebook tries to add you again.

looking at things you wrote or comments you made from a year ago and wondering how you could possibly be that stupid

That awkward moment when your parents ask about one of your old friends that you’re not friends with anymore.

That incredibly awkward moment when you’re watching t.v with your family and a hardcore sex scene appears

When your mom thinks you have an attitude with her but all you did was answer her question

What did Barrack say to Michelle when he proposed? “I don’t wanna be Obama self…”

The awkward moment when you and your parents are watching a movie and a sex scene comes up…

Parents, staring neutral at the TV:

You, looking everywhere but at the TV not to show any type of interest:

*person doesn’t text you back*

*but you see them tweet/facebook/post on tumblr*

Looking at pictures of yourself and realising you’re not unphotogenic, you’re just an ugly fucker.

Somebody needs to invent a mirror that takes pictures…

That awkward moment when you accidentally call your teacher ‘Mom’

That awkward moment when you see your friends with the person you hate.

When people think it’s okay to say something really offensive to you as long as they say ‘no offense’ before they say it…

I’d jump in front of a train for you. As long as it’s not moving.

When you meet someone who gets your sense of humor no matter how stupid it may be