When you’re reading a person’s graphic tee and they walk away before you finish reading
I hate it when someone starts to tell you something but they end up saying “never mind”
When my friends say stuff around my parents they aren’t supposed to say
That awkward moment when you’re falling off of your bed and you can’t find anything to grab to stop yourself
That moment when your friend keeps talking and you pretend to be interested.
When a friend makes you laugh in class and you have to try and hold it in
When someone is so attractive it hurts
When someone accidentally lets one of your biggest secrets slip out to someone you didn’t want knowing
Whenever I use ‘Thus’ in an essay, I feel like motherfucking Shakespeare.
The awkward moment when you’re eating dinner at someone’s house and you don’t like their cooking
“Why do you and your bestfriend laugh at everything?” Coz that's what we do!
That awkward moment when you walk out of your bedroom in your pajamas and there’s a guest in your house.
Who ever invented the “copy and paste” has saved many hours of my life.
That awkward moment when you think of something odd/dirty in public then really hope there isn’t a telepath in the room
“In the world there are, on average, five people with the look identical to yours.”
There are 5 sexy motherfuckers out there.
Looking at your textbooks thinking
“What a waste of a tree”when you see your ex with someone who isn’t even half as cute as you.
When someone is getting on your nerves and you’re trying not to say anything…
I hate it when i’m walking around my house in socks &’ I step on something wet
Money does not buy happiness, but it pays my internet, which is almost the same thing.
On “My Super Sweet 16” when the girl gets mad that daddy bought her the wrong car
Bitch I ride a bike…Spend more time looking at your face on video chat
than the person you’re camming with.
The sexual noises we all make when we stretch
*UHHHHHHHYou could be selling your soul by agreeing to the “Terms and Conditions” and you would never know it.
That awkward moment when you’re really upset and decide to play the saddest song you know.
After 25 years of sex in the dark, a wife finds out her husband has been using a dildo on her. When she found out she said “Explain the dildo fool,” he said, “Explain the kids bitch.”
The moment of jealousy when you find out your friends have gone out somewhere without inviting you.
Wouldn’t it be nice if your iPod could detect your mood and make a playlist for it?
Certain people need to understand that I don’t like them.
When you’re in class and someone asks you for a pencil so you give them the most retarded one you own.
Walking into your house late at night hoping
When distant family members visit and your parents want to give them your room to stay in…
That awkward moment when you hand over your phone to show someone a picture…and they keep scrolling through the rest
Give It Back Now, with your nosey ass
Watching someone eat that last piece of cake you had your eye on…
When someone says: “Wow, you look great today!!”
The fuck did I look like yesterday…?That awesome moment when you’re included in someone’s profile picture.
When the computer says you’re connected to the internet but pages don’t load. Don't lie to me bitch!
Getting food at night and trying not to wake your family with your clumsiness.
I hate how these people on Sweet 16 act all surprised when their parents say “ERRYBODY OUTSIDE”. Bitch, you know damn well your spoiled ass is getting a fucking car.
That awkward moment when you can’t find your phone because your bed ate it.
I didn’t fall for you, you fucking tripped me.
That awkward moment when your chair makes a fart noise & no one believes it was the chair, so you try to do it again but you can’t make the sound.
When I buy a bag of air and the company is nice enough to put in some chips
That awkward moment when your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your plate into the sink.
When your phone rings and you turn into a fucking athlete to get it
When your friends bring up something that could get you in trouble in front of your parents
When that fake bitch tries to act like your friend
The reason why I look so bad in my school pictures?
The photographer said I needed to bring my sexy level down because it might hurt the self-esteem of other students.
That awkward moment when you say something really deep:
First Reaction: Wow, how the fuck did I think about it?:That moment when you’re not sure if the automatic door is going to open for you or not.
Well, damn…. Should I touch the motherfucker?And you’re just standing there like:
Stalking someone’s facebook and accidentally clicking “like” on something
NOTHING!!!
Distance Sucks -_-
Do you know how far my fucking fridge is from my room ?! D
DEAR OPTIMIST, PESSIMIST, AND REALIST
While you guys were arguing about the cup of water, I drank itTHAT FRUSTRATING MOMENT WHEN YOU CAN’T REACH THE LAST PRINGLE.
EVERYONE SEEMS TO BE SO FIXATED UPON THE FACT THAT VOLDEMORT HAS NO NOSE. HE HAS NO EYEBROWS EITHER
WHEN I DIE, I WANT SOMEONE TO KEEP UPDATING MY FACEBOOK STATUS TO FREAK PEOPLE OUT
THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU REALIZE YOU SAID SOMETHING REALLY STUPID AND YOU CANT TAKE IT BACK
That awkward moment when you’re really annoyed at someone but you don’t wanna start a fight so you’ll just shut up.
So I started doing the same shit to them at funeralsTHAT STAGE IN A FRIENDSHIP WHERE YOU CAN START INSULTING THEM.
DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND,:
I’ve got 15 water balloons ready… I can’t wait.
When you propose to me, please don’t put the ring in my food because I guarantee I will eat that shit
That awkward moment when someone’s zipper is down and you don’t know whether to tell them or not because you don’t know how to explain why you were looking that low.
If you’re referring to me in a status, go ahead and tag me in it, bitch.
That awkward moment when someone remembers your name but you have NO clue who they are.
That awkward moment when you start telling a story and you realize no one’s listening, so you slowly fade out and pretend you never said anything.
When you see pictures of your friends hanging out and you weren’t invited
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a brighter day.
I was normal until…
bullshit, I was never normal.
When you dislike someone so much that their name angers you
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
When my mum calls the home phone and ask if I’m at home.
No mum, I’m at a strip club.
When your crush is in the room and your best friends start to tease you, making it totally obvious.
That awkward moment when your parents bring up the topic of sex and you just sit there all innocent like…
Wait…what’s sex? Who even does that?
My girlfriend just texted me saying “I want you to get me wet when I get home ;)”.
The mood where every little thing pisses you off
I notice everything. I just don’t say shit.
That awkward moment when you’re in public, and you don’t want to sit right next to a stranger, so you sit one chair away from them.
In every P.E class there is always that one person who thinks they are in the fucking Olympics.
That awkward moment when you shout the wrong answer in class with confidence.
have you ever pretended that the brushy thing on the side of an escalator is a shoe cleaner?
i love it when you know somebody’s secret, but they don’t know that you know, and you know that they don’t know that you know.
When you are in a relationship and everyone tells you they like you.. Shit.. I was single for so long..
That awkward moment when someone you deleted off Facebook tries to add you again.
looking at things you wrote or comments you made from a year ago and wondering how you could possibly be that stupid
That awkward moment when your parents ask about one of your old friends that you’re not friends with anymore.
That incredibly awkward moment when you’re watching t.v with your family and a hardcore sex scene appears
When your mom thinks you have an attitude with her but all you did was answer her question
What did Barrack say to Michelle when he proposed? “I don’t wanna be Obama self…”
The awkward moment when you and your parents are watching a movie and a sex scene comes up…
Parents, staring neutral at the TV:You, looking everywhere but at the TV not to show any type of interest:
*person doesn’t text you back*
*but you see them tweet/facebook/post on tumblr*
0 comments:
Post a Comment