funny love quotes

"It is a curious thought, but it is only when you see people looking ridiculous that you realize just how much you love them."

"Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate."

"Some pray to marry the man they love, my prayer will somewhat vary: I humbly pray to heaven above that I love the man I marry."

"The one who loves least controls the relationship."

"I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste."

Boys are players that's a fact,
don't fall in love with them just play them back;)

As long as I never stop smiling
I'll never feel the pain of sadness ever again
Don't you wish it were true?

Lose your control so that i can control you uncontrollably.

Who says love is bad...just like cake, I would say it's the best I've ever had!

Fight for the one you love and never give up
or cry like a baby

"Lust fades, so you'd better be with someone who can stand you."

"The bravest thing that men do is love women"

Girl I may be a real bad boy,
But baby I'm a real good man...

~Tim McGraw

Kiss the kissers, love the lovers, play the players.

In my dreams u r the princess of my kingdom, but when it comes to reality u r just the girl that i cant have.

Love is the answer of all the questions.

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You don’t need to have the heart of your lover as you have their soul.

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Love is blind because people fall in love with their eyes closed.

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You are in love when you feel that the song you are listening is written just for you.

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Love when you are ready for it not when you are alone.

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Love is life so never miss love if you don’t wanna miss life.

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A soul mate is the person who makes you the most ‘you’ that you can possibly be.

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Love is the game in which both the players win.

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It’s easy to hate some one but it needs courage to love someone.

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Never find a complete person to love rather make him/her complete with your love.

The sincerest love is the love of food.
Bernard Shaw .
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Marrying for love may be a bit risky, but it is so honest that God can't help but smile on it.
Josh Billings
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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

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Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener! Unknown

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The great question... which I have not been able to
answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?''
-- Freud
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Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."

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I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
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When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him
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Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for."
Mae West
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Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce

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Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law

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Man is better off than woman; he marries later and dies sooner

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Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

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Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred

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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

-Oscar Wilde

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A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.—

Zsa Zsa Gabor

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My wife and I were happy for 20 years - then we met.

-Rodney Dangerfield

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The most happy marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman.

Coleridge

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One good husband is worth two good wives; for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

Benjamin Franklin

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.The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
-Henry Youngman
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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If husbands could realize what large returns of profit may be gotten out of a wife by a small word of praise paid over the counter when the market is just right, they would bring matters around the way they wish them much oftener than they usually do.
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If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
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Arguments are unsafe with wives, because they examine them; but they do not examine compliments. One can pass upon a wife a compliment that is three-fourths base metal; she will not even bite it to see if it is good; all she notices is the size of it, not the quality.
Hellfire Hotchkiss
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All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage.
Lord Byron
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"My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe."
Jimmy Durante.
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Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein - Funny Love Quotes
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Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Anonymous
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Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
-- Jim Backus
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Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
George Burns.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close knit family in another city."
George Burns.
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I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray.
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In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker."

Woody Allen.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday
is to forget it once
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Yawn - Nature's way of letting married men open their mouths

Anon

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I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

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I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

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Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence
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A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
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A wife is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
unknown
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I think, therefore I'm single.

My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled, "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

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Honolulu — it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.

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There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish...

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Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? So that we may love you instead of laugh at you.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

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After an acquaintance of ten minutes, many women will exchange confidences that a man would not reveal to a lifelong friend.

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The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henry Youngman

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"I'll never let go Jack, I'll never let go." Rose in Titanic. Several seconds later, poor little Jack sinks to the bottom of the Atlantic...

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An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her."
Agatha Christie

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Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

Henry Youngman.
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If a man is talking in the woods and no woman hears him... is he still wrong?

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I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

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I fell in love at first sight… I should have looked twice.

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Before marriage a man yearns for a woman after marriage the ‘y’ is silent .

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want then when you see what the other person has,
you wish you had ordered that.

Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
-- Adrienne Gusoff

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
-- Agatha Christie

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
So each is inevitably disappointed.
-- Albert Einstein

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
-- Albert Einstein

Men make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
-- Anonymous

You know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.
-- Anonymous

The four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
-- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
-- Anonymous

Marriage is like jogging through a puddle of industrial strength rubber glue. You can work hard and make it through the struggles; however, you usually leave your bobby socks and sneakers behind along the way.
-- Anonymous

When a relationship goes flat, so does a couple of sets of car tires.
-- Anonymous

Men only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
-- Anonymous

You can't buy love on eBay.
-- Anonymous

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
-- Bette Midler

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
-- Brendan Francis

Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
-- Cathy Carlyle

Marriage is a romance in which the heroine dies in the first chapter.
-- Cecilia Egan

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.
-- Cher

Men aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
-- Cher

By the time you swear you're his,
Shivering and sighing,
And he vows his passion is infinite, undying -
Lady, make note of this: One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker

I'm always looking for meaningful one night stands.
-- Dudley Moore

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
-- Erma Bombeck

Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
-- Fran Lebowitz

It is impossible to love and be wise.
-- Francis Bacon

Marriage marks the end of many short follies - being one long stupidity.
-- Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery.
-- Fulton J. Sheen

Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
-- George Carlin

Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one.
-- Glenn Beck

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
-- Groucho Marx

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
-- Helen Rowland

Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes.
There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
-- Henry Kissinger

When we got married I told my wife "If you leave me, I'm going with you.
And she never did.
-- James Fineous McBride

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.
-- Jean Kerr

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
-- Joan Crawford

It's been so long since I made love,
I can't even remember who gets tied up.
-- Joan Rivers

Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
-- Joan Rivers

You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.
-- Jonathan Carroll

No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.
-- Joyce Brothers

If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married.
-- Katharine Hepburn

True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.
-- La Rochefoucauld

If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.
-- Lily Tomlin

The only people who make love all the time are liars.
-- Louis Jordan

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
-- Natalie Wood

Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.
-- Oscar Wilde

Love is a grave mental disease.
-- Plato

Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner

Forget love, I'd rather fall in chocolate.�
-- Sandra J. Dykes

All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
-- Shelley Winters

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
-- Steve Martin

A love without indiscretion is no lover at all.
-- Thomas Hardy

Marriage is a great institution for those who like institutions.
-- Tommy Dewar

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
-- W. Somerset Maugham

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
-- Walt Disney

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
-- Woody Allen

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.
-- Woody Allen

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen