dear little sister...

I barely remember because i was
just about to turn 4years old. But
i know i was so happy that i will
have someone to play w/after
4years of being a sole child.
Everybody loves you and i held
my head up high cos i was so
proud of u.
Everybody would say: "what a
cute lil child" and id proudly tell
them, "ofcourse! Thats my lilsis"
and then i would kiss ur chubby
cheeks after.
I saw how excited mom and dad
was in waiting for your first
word to utter.
We were there to guide u when
u were starting to learn how to
walk and to make sure that if you
lose ur balance, u wouldnt trip.
You know whats my favorite?
It's when you're sleeping beside
me. It's when i watch you
sleeping cos you look so peaceful
in your deep slumber.
While your eyes are closed, i
would put my fingers in your
palm and unconsciously, u would
clench ur fist. It's like you're
trusting me so much for u to
hold me back.
I miss those times when you
would ask me anything that u
barely understand, you look at
me as if i know everything. It
feels like i'm a supersister and
you extol me.
Then you went to school and you
made friends. But it's ok coz i
know, at the end of the day,
when u get home, i would still be
ur number 1 friend.
I remember, i was havin class
and u were in grade 2. Your
classmates went to my class and
said u were crying and ur bully
classmates made u cry. In a rush,
i was there for u.
Years passed, and we grew
apart, but not in distance. You
learned how to taunt me. You
were already not enjoying my
company.
I remember when u were in
grade 6, u and ur friends
planned for a picnic at the beach.
Mom never asked me to, but i
insisted to come with you. I
know its against ur will. But i
didnt care. Cos i was just scared
of the superstitious beliefs in our
town about the sea taking life
once in a year.
For you, i was too tight and dont
trust u.
For me, its love and fear that i'm
goin to lose u.
You excel in the field that you've
enjoyed much. And i was a proud
sister. But what hurts me the
most? Its the fact that i'm ur
older sister & ur supposed to
respect and listen to me. But
instead, u told to my face the
things u can do that i can't...
So for many years, i've
learned to live alone. The four
corners of my room are the silent
witness of my lonely years.
I've known your first heartbreak,
but you didnt bother to come to
me.
For years, you've neglected me,
ive been idle..i've been useless..
For a long time, i've felt that.. until
1 day,uv been hurt badly by the 1
u love and u said to me: "ate,
puwede bang ikaw na lang
bestfriend ko?"
with tears in my eyes and a lump
on my throat, i replied: "kaw lang
naman kasi, di ka lumalapit"
i felt needed and important
again..
Things went ok for a while until
you've found another person
who became important to u.
Then we went back to zero.
Sometimes i wish once in a
while, u become weak again so u
would need me again.
But the fact is, you're a stronger
than i am.
My soul is yearning for respect
from you. My heart is craving for
that sweet lil child who used to
look at me with paramount value.
I may never get it again from you
and i stopped hoping.
But know that, for me, you're still
my lil sister that i have to protect
from everyone. I forgave u coz ur
my little sis. And i respect u not
because ur my sister,
but because i love u..

--vhonskall