A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. (not a clue!)
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. (maybe Will Rogers)
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished. Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. (not a clue!)
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes. Oscar Wilde
A good sermon should be like a woman's skirt: short enough to rouse the interest, but long enough to cover the essentials. (not a clue!)
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on. Samual Goldwyn
The road to success is always under construction. Lily Tomlin
A man's only as old as the woman he feels. Groucho Marx
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button. Sam Levenson
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. George Burns
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. (not a clue!)
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it. (not a clue!)
I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere. George Burns
View All 4,200 Funny Quotes
What you call dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him, he ain't gonna come. (not a clue!)
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying. Oscar Wilde
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together. Oprah Winfrey
The large print giveth, but the small print taketh away. Tom Waits
Income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. Will Rogers
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected! (not a clue!)
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Erma Bombeck
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Peter Tosh
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. - Proverb
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.David Brent
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? Mae West
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. Paul Fix
It's not true I had nothing on. I had the radio on. (nude calendar picture) Marilyn Monroe
A man in the house is worth two in the street. (not a clue!)
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
funny quotes
Leap Year Movie quotes (2010)
SUMMARY: Anna Brady plans to travel to Dublin, Ireland to propose to her boyfriend Jeremy on February 29, leap day, because, according to Irish tradition, a man who receives a marriage proposal on a leap day must accept it.
Bride: May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. Cheers!
Declan: Mrs. O'Brady Callhan. Where the hell are you going?
Anna: You said no.
Declan: I didn't say no. I didn't say anything.
Anna: You walked away.
Declan: I was getting something.
Anna: Really? That was a good time to go get something?
Declan: Yeah, it was actually.
[Presents Anna with a ring]
Anna: When my 60 seconds came around i realized i had everything i ever wanted... but nothing i really needed. and i think what i need is here. and i came all this way to see if you maybe think so too. If you do, well... i don't really have plans past that, which is new for me. So, Declan O'Callhan and i should probably learn your middle name, here is my proposal; i propose we not make plans, i propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. so what do you say, do you wanna not make plans with me?
Declan: I don't want not to make plans with you. I want to make plans with you.
Anna: You do?
Declan: Yeah I do.
(being asked what she does for a living) "I'm a stager. I stage apartments for realtors. I transform ordinary places into something special. Most people don't know what they want until I show it to them. So many places need my help."
(Declan asks her why she is going to Dublin to meet her boyfriend) "You guys have this great tradition that a woman can propose to a man on the 29th of February in a leap year. So, I thought, why not?"
- Anna, Leap Year
(a herd of cows is blocking the roadway and she takes it upon herself to move them) "I've spent the past 24 hours in every level of hell and I am not going to let your fuzzy white asses drag me any further. So, if you know what's good for you, you'll move. "
- Anna, Leap Year
(after Anna asks him to drive her to Dublin) "Dublin, huh? Let me tell you something about Dublin. Dublin is a city of chances and cheats and back stabbing snakes. It is a city where the worst of humanity collects the poison of their country. I wouldn't advise you to go there."
- Declan, Leap Year
(Anna tells him that it's a romantic tradition after he laughs at her reason for going to Dublin) "It's a day for desperate woman to trap themselves a man who clearly doesn't want to get married. If your man wanted to propose he would have done it already."
- Declan, Leap Year
Always kiss like it’s the first time and the last time.
Monday, September 19, 2011
the prestige movie quotes (2006)
starring:
hugh jackman
christian bale
scarlett johansson
"Cutter: Obsession is a young man's game"
"Robert Angier: Would I be the man in the box or the prestige?
"
"Cutter: Every great magic trick consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called The Pledge. The magician shows you something ordinary: a deck of cards, a bird or a man. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed real, unaltered, normal. But of course... it probably isn't. The second act is called The Turn. The magician takes the ordinary something and makes it do something extraordinary. Now you're looking for the secret... but you won't find it, because of course you're not really looking. You don't really want to know. You want to be fooled. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because making something disappear isn't enough; you have to bring it back. That's why every magic trick has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call The Prestige.
"
[last lines]
Cutter: Now you're looking for the secret. But you wont find it because of course, you're not really looking. You don't really want to work it out. You want to be, fooled.
Robert Angier: I never thought I'd find an answer at the bottom of a pint glass.
Cutter: Hasn't stopped you looking, has it?
Alfred Borden: You went half way around the world... you spent a fortune... you did terrible things... really terrible things Robert, and all for nothing.
Robert Angier: For nothing?
Alfred Borden: Yeah
Robert Angier: You never understood, why we did this. The audience knows the truth: the world is simple. It's miserable, solid all the way through. But if you could fool them, even for a second, then you can make them wonder, and then you... then you got to see something really special... you really don't know?... it was... it was the look on their faces...
Alfred Borden: So... we go alone now. Both of us. Only I don't have as far to go as you. Go. You were right, I should have left him to his damn trick. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. I'm sorry about Sarah. I didn't mean to hurt her... I didn't. You go and live your life in full now, all right? You live for both of us.
Fallon: Goodbye.
Alfred Borden: The secret impresses no one. The trick you use it for is everything.
Nikola Tesla: Nothing is impossible, Mr. Angier. What you want is simply expensive
Nikola Tesla: You’re familiar with the phrase “Man’s reach exceeds his grasp”? It’s a lie. Man’s grasp exceeds his nerve. The only limits on scientific progress are those imposed by society. The first time I changed the world, I was hailed as a visionary. The second time I was asked politely to retire. The world only tolerates one change at a time. And so here I am. Enjoying my “retirement”. Nothing is impossible, Mr. Angier, what you want is simply expensive.
Alfred Borden: He came in to demand an answer and I told him the truth. That I have fought with myself over that night, one half of me swearing blind that I tied a simple slipknot, the other half convinced that I tied the Langford double. I can never know for sure.
Nikola Tesla: I apologize for leaving without saying goodbye, but I seem to have outstayed my welcome in Colorado. The truly extraordinary is not permitted in science and industry. Perhaps you'll find more luck in your field, where people are happy to be mystified. You will find what you are looking for in this box. Alley has written you a thorough set of instructions. I add only one suggestion on using the machine: destroy it. Drop it to the bottom of the deepest ocean. Such a thing will bring you only misery.
Robert Angier
Man's reach exceeds his imagination!
If anybody really believed the things I did on stage, they wouldn't clap, they'd scream.
You never understood... why we did this. The audience knows the truth. The world is simple, miserable, solid all the way through. But if you can fool them, even for a second... then you can make them wonder. And you get to see something very special. ... You really don't know. ... It was the look on their faces.
Alfred Borden
Are you watching closely?
The secret impresses no one. The trick you use it for is everything.
The sacrifice... that's the price of a good trick.
Alfred Borden: Everything's going to be alright, because I love you very much.
Sarah: Say it again.
Alfred Borden: I love you.
Sarah: Not today.
Alfred Borden: What do you mean?
Sarah: Well some days it's not true. Maybe today you're more in love with magic. I like being able to tell the difference, it makes the days it is true mean something.
[after showing a little boy how to do a coin trick]
Alfred Borden: Never show anyone. They'll beg you and they'll flatter you for the secret, but as soon as you give it up... you'll be nothing to them.
Robert Angier: [to Borden] You always were the better magician. We both know that. Whatever your secret was, you have to agree, mine is better.
Olivia Wenscombe: You married her. You had a child with her.
Alfred Borden: Yes. Part of me did. But the other part... the other part didn't. The part that found you, the part that's sitting here right now.
Olivia Wenscombe: You could be in some other cafe saying the same thing about me right now. It's inhuman to be so cold.
Alfred Borden: I love you.
Sarah: You mean it today.
Alfred Borden: Of course.
Sarah: It just makes it so much harder when you don't.
Alfred Borden: A real magician tries to invent something new, that other magicians are gonna scratch their heads over.
qwuoter 2
· A promise is a cloud, fulfillment is rain.
· The road to happiness lies in two principles: find what interests you and that you can do well, and put your whole soul into it
· As we express our gratitude,we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them -F.Kennedy
· If we stop learning today, we stop teaching tomorrow. -Howard Hendricks
· Hold anything nears to you, then go forward step by step and carefully.
· After all is said and done, a lot more will have been said than done
· Think for a minute about what makes you fabulous and how you can celebrate it. -Laura Mercier
· Do the best you can in every task, no matter how unimportant it may seem at the timeBetween saying and doing many a pair of shoes is worn out.
· Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You must be the same to all people
· Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you
· I've got dreams in hidden places and extra smiles for when I'm blue
· When you feel dog tired at night, it may be because you've growled all day long.
· To everyone is given the key to heaven; the same key opens the gates of hell.
· Being in a good frame of mind helps keep one in the picture of health.
· Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. -Anthony J. D'Angelo
· The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. -William James-
· Do not be awestruck by other people and try to copy them.Nobody can be you as efficiently as you can. -Norman V. Peale
· It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit -Harry S. Truman
· The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another -William James
· Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.
· Remember there's no such thing as a small act of kindness.Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. -Scott Adams
· Well done is better than well said -Benjamin Franklin
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§ Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise
· Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth... Tame the dragon and the gift is yours -Noela Evans
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· Precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, at least, others can learn from it
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· Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are
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· Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back -Thomas Sowell
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· Although there may be nothing new under the sun, what is old is new to us and so rich and astonishing that we never get tired of it
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· if we lose our curiosity, we have lost something of infinite value
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· Art is the only way to run away without leaving home. -Twyla Tharp-t
· What matters is not the idea a man holds, but the depth at which he holds it. -Ezra Pound-
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· Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. -Kahlil Gibran
o In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed. -Ralph Waldo Emerson
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o People will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold - but so does a hard-boiled egg
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o No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars,or sailed to an uncharted land,or opened a new doorway for the human spirit
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o If you have time to complain about something,then you have time to do something about it
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o A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me -John Erskine
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o We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love -Tom Robbins
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o (c) doing that makes it that.
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o (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed
o The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be
§ You can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry
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§ For one man who can stand prosperity, there are a hundred that will stand adversity -Elvis Presley
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§ when you're at the edge, you have to go forward or backward; if you go forward, you have to jump together
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§ Things can fall apart, or threaten to, for many reasons, and then there's got to be a leap of faith
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§ Look well, therefore to this day
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§ Today well-lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope
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§ Yesterday is a dream, tomorrow but a vision
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§ Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted
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§ If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance -George Bernard Shaw-
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§ Make your life a mission --- not an intermission -Arnold Glasgow
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