ACT OF LETTING GO

I’m with her right now at the coffee shop where we used to hang-out.
“How are you?”, she asked me.
I can’t even answer her quickly. My tongue was tied. I know that she moved on to whatever we had. But I asked her out to see her for the last time. But she doesn’t know that it will be the last, and she doesn’t know that I’m moving away from this place.
We are friends who fell in love, and I don’t know if it was a good move. To level up the friendship to something deeper but more complicated. We were happy and we thought that its healthy. But I gues it’s not healthy for the people around us. I was truly happy to have her. But there was a point that I thought she doesn’t deserve someone like me. Because I’m a zilch compare to her. I am not a rake, and I don’t intend to be one. But as I said, the relationship is complicated.
One day, she told me she’s hurting and that’s the last thing that I wanna do to her. I never want to hurt her.
My deep thinking vanished as she talked again…
“Hey! Are you with me or what?” she nudged me.
“Oh yeah, I’m okay. How about you? I’m sorry, I really don’t know what to say”,, I answered.
The lightning strikes and thunder rumbles. She babbles something and I know she’s afraid of the lightning. I reach for her hand and locked it with my hand.
I squeezed her hand and told her, “Don’t be scared.. I’m here”. I stared at her eyes while telling her that.
“I missed you” she said in a low voice.
“I missed you more.. More than you can imagine.” I replied. My voice almost cracked. I’m holding back the tears that was about to burst. I miss her, I miss everything about her. But I know she’s happy with her life right now and I’m not here to mess things up again.
We talked, reminisced, asked questions, laughed, smiled…
But I didn’t have the courage to talk about us. It was a sudden hurt inside when I checked on my wristwatch and realized how time flies. She should be at home before six. Im feeling my tears will drop any moment by just thinking that we will be apart again, that things will never be the same again..
“So, this is it” I said “Thank you for spending this day with me. I should get going. I have a bus to catch”
I looked outside the shop and the rain starts to pour. I always wanted to be with someone under the rain. Someone I could ask to laugh with, to kiss, and someone I could ask to dance under the rain. She may never be that someone, but I know, I want her to be the one. Her voice stopped me from day dreaming.
“will I see you again?” she asked me. I smiled bitterly and said, “ I don’t know… Maybe.. If there would be a time, sure..”
I stood up, “Goodbye then….” I kissed her cheek.
I walked away, headed to the door. Then I walked under the rain.
“WAIT!” a voice from my back stopped me. I turned around and I saw her running towards me. She hugged me and I felt the strong emotion coming from me. I hugged her back… so tight….
This time, I don’t want to let her go.. This time I want to be selfish and own her for myself and myself only.
But here comes the sad reality that came to me.. She’s happy now and she got someone she don’t wanna hurt..
I softly touched her face. Lean towards her that made her face closer to my face.
“I’ll call you ok?” I said with teary eyes and trembling voice. She didn’t say anything. She bit her lower lip, sad eyes, and she nodded. Before selfishness rule my being, I gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. “Goodbye my Beloved” I told her and I turned my back.
I walked away because I know if had stayed a lil longer, I will never let her go again. She loved me. I love her still. But she was never mine and never will be. I dreamt about kissing under the rain… Dancing under the rain… But I never imagined having my heart be broken under the rain.
I’ll never forget her and the road we didn’t take. I’ll never forget all the things about her. I walked away while the sky is crying. I cant fight fight it anymore, my yes started to rain. Then, raindrops and tears collide.